I have given up saying “most of you don’t care” because that phrase entails that there are in fact a few that do. Why? I discovered that most only listen for the chance to give their opinion to make themselves feel better. So they can give themselves a pat on the back.
People wait for the chance to say, “Try harder,” “You just need to do this,” “I don’t know what to tell you, I’ve tried everything!”
In the end, they care about getting on with their lives. Will they remember the pain in your eyes? No. They will remember how you’re such a burden and how much they do for you. In reality, they don’t remember you. They remember their effort with you.
They’ll try to comfort you with thing you could find in a Hallmark Card— “You’re kind, beautiful, worthwhile, special, funny, strong, creative…” blah blah blah.
I have found that if those are the first words because use to comfort or describe me, I might has well have a bunch printed Pinterest motivational pictures at my funeral instead of a half-ass speech.
I want a stranger to bury me. I don’t want all that shit that is supposed to make others feel better—flowers and music. Just burn me and put my ashes in the sea.
The thing that means more than nights out or gifts are the words, “I love you.” Not as a goodbye but as a reminder. A hug when they cannot be there. Proof that you mean more to them than a project they’re working on. Than a TV show they can watch on their iphones. The news on AOL. Another piece of music.
We are worth those words. We are worth hearing them everyday. We shouldn’t have to be at breaking point or already broken to deserve them because maybe if we heard them more in the first place, we wouldn’t break so often.