It is obvious that I have been struggling with multiple disorders and it is only now that I discovered the precise diagnosis; C-PTSD and Mood Disorders.
I have a difficult time conveying the fear I felt when I learned what C-PTSD is and the nebulousness of “Mood Disorders.” It hurt, and I wanted to cry when I read the letter.
What I actually want to address is the gratitude I have towards my friends, and especially my family.
My family fought harder for me than I ever fought for myself. They stepped up, pressed me to find the strength within myself that I didn’t believe I possessed. They gave the match to light the still fragile fire that is the hope I thought I lost.
The only way I can think of repaying them is to not give up. Because of all of you I have been able to choose the way of life that I’ve always dreamed of and to have.
I have not felt this kind of hope in a very, very long time it is a relief to know that is still inside me.
Lately I have felt something that I thought wasn’t even possible for me to feel anymore and that is happiness, small and fragile as it is now, it is growing and I am elated– feeding, letting it grow, it deserves to. I deserve to let it develop, I deserve to be happy and I want to say thank you for those believing in me that I deserve this kind of happiness, that I deserved to follow my dreams, to not be confined within the opinions of others.
Thank you for telling me that happiness is still possible for me.