Right now I feel like shit. I just want to hide or die or just disappear. I am frustrated with school. Frustrated is putting it lightly, though. Better put that I am frustrated with myself, how I am doing, and just lonely as fuck.
Everyone at home right now is fighting and when I comes to friends it feels as if I can’t do anything right.
(“I don’t want to be here, I don’t want be here.”)
I got a really low grade on my Spanish chapter final and I afraid to tell my family because I know the reaction I will get. Every dumb-ass question that has the undertone of: You’re an idiot and failure. It is times like this that I really wish I could move in with someone else and pay for college myself; the only person I would be beholden to was me. I wouldn’t be afraid of school. I would be able to choose what the fuck I actually wanted to do.
My grades would be proof that I had done well or not so but they wouldn’t be representing someone else’s damn reputation. I am sick and tired of my life being some sort of performance to impress. I tired of having to act my way through life for someone else. I am tired of being afraid of coming home after school. My once sanctuary is now cage that gets lowered into hell everyday.
(“What went wrong?” “What is wrong with you?” “How could you have failed?”)
Anymore of this and I am done.