Scintilla Day 7

1. List the tribes you belong to: cultural, personal, literary, you get
the drift. Talk about the experience of being in your element with your
tribes.

2. Talk about a time when you saw your mother or father as a person
independent of his or her identity as your parent.

First Topic:

Um… okay. I am Catholic, and I love being a Catholic. I am a Libertarian. I am a foodie like the rest of my family and an artsy kind of person. I can’t resist the urge to make something. Food, drawings, poetry, songs, music now that I am learning guitar, books and well, blogging. I do not stop thinking about making things.
I love to read. Reading has saved my from so much and has given me friends, although fictional, when I felt I had none. There where I still sink into my mind and pretend I am in that world instead of mine. I guess I do that because I am not proud of who I am. When I see myself as a fictional character, living in that books world, I see myself as brave, strong, fit, really smart, mature beyond my years, kind, talented, and cool headed; able to handle any situation with grace and a sure-mindedness that clams everyone down. I imagine people seeing me as level and someone you can go to for help, not a weak and fragile, pixie-like person that I am truly seen as. Or the melodramatic problem causer who is the one who needs help. Or the myopic bitch.  What is funny is that two nights ago I realized what I despised in people were really qualities that I had and after all this time I didn’t hate people, I hated myself and projected upon others. I am told I need to love myself, that I am a good person. That I deserve to love myself yet I find it hard to believe when I hear people say that I have characteristics that I hate.

Myopic
Bitch
Melodramatic
Problem bringer
Week
Whiner
Dumb
Hot tempered
Immature

I hate those thing yet I have been said to have every one of those. There is always the reminder that if I am do not like these things I can change. I am trying really hard, seriously. I am doing my best.

_____________________________________________________

Topic Two:
I think there was only a brief time in my life where I didn’t see my parents as individuals, and that was when I was very young. My parents, especially my mother, made sure that we didn’t see them as just “parents” and as actual people. Teenager I might be, I do have a lot of respect for my parents. One thing that gets on my nerves is that people say you can’t be friends with your children. Bullshit. That it utter bullshit. My mother is my parent and one of my best friends. If I hadn’t had her as my friend as well as my mother at certain times, I would have killed myself when I was eleven. Yet because my mom wasn’t conventional, I am still her writing these words.
I am not a parent but I speak from a different kind of experience: befriend your children. It might actually save their lives one day.

Ink.

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One thought on “Scintilla Day 7

  1. “Reading has saved my from so much and has given me friends, although fictional, when I felt I had none.” – I could not have said it better myself.

    I want to say that there is more to you than the traits you have listed here and I think in time as I return and find out more about you that I will be able to say that. For now, know that there is someone else out there who feels much the same about themselves a lot of the time and that in itself is a tribe of its own.

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